Chronic Illness

Chronic illness – two words that have become all too familiar in my vocabulary. They signify daily struggles, strength, a new way of living, hope, and lots of prayer. 

March 1, 2019 was the day it all began. While I had lots of warning signs that led up to that day, that particular morning was like none other I had experienced before. I woke up with a debilitating headache but continued through the routine, trying to push through. By mid-morning, I could barely lift my head and had tingling down the right side of my face, arm, and leg. Corey took me to the ER where they gave me tons of fluids and meds that basically made me completely out of it for the rest of the day. Their diagnosis – MIGRAINE. I was in disbelief and thought there was no way that was all it could be. That day began the year long process of seeing multiple different doctors and specialists trying to nail down a better diagnosis and understanding of what was going on in my body. Most days were spent in bed trying to rest and gain enough strength to be able to get through the afternoon and evening routines with my kids and trying to provide as much normalcy as possible for them. Even though I tried to put on a brave face, they began to realize that mom wasn’t the same and our life was going to need to have some significant adjustments. 

After multiple tests, scans, medication trials and so on, I finally got the diagnosis of vestibular migraines. Current researchers think this type of migraine affects only 1% of people – how special that I get to be part of that 1%! NOT! Unlike Traditional Migraine, Vestibular Migraine (VM) is a nervous system problem that causes repeated dizziness with or without a headache. Initially when the headaches and dizziness started, I could never tell when one migraine ended and another began…I was in a constant state of dizziness and headaches. After making significant diet and medication changes, I began to VERY slowly see the light again. 

What’s the hardest part of chronic illness? That it never goes away. I do pray daily, along with several other amazing people in my life, that God would provide a miracle that would take these darn migraines away, literally as fast as they came on. So far that hasn’t happened, but God is still faithful. He has literally carried me through SO many situations where, on my own, my body would have failed. Daily I still experience symptoms – some days significantly, other days just short moments of discomfort, but through it all, I just keep pushing on. Chronic illness has taught me that I can do really hard things and that relying on God is the best source of comfort. 

How has life changed? In every way! It’s funny how now it just seems normal, because we are all used to it. I now monitor triggers, sleep, diet, and my schedule very closely. I have learned to slow down and put “break days” in between busy days. I have learned that home is my safe place and a great place to reset when my brain is feeling disregulated from the dizziness. I have learned that polarized glasses, Aleve, and my big cup of water go with me every where I go. I have learned that we no longer travel without a wheelchair, because too much visual stimulus makes it hard to walk sometimes. I have learned to always have back-up drivers for school pick-ups and outings, because I literally never know when an aura or migraine will hit. I have learned that I have lots of people around me that really love me and are willing to step in at a moments notice. I have learned it’s okay to give up control and everything doesn’t have to work out perfectly like I want it to. Most importantly, I have learned that God’s got me…He still has big plans for my life and He is holding my hand through each situation. Even when my body fails, He does not. 

My Chronic Illness Mantra:

God you are in front of me, behind me, and all around me, and will get me through each day.